I’m still alive

So I’m sure it’s been ages since I posted and my grammar or spelling might be off because I’m hunting and pecking on the iPad. The main reason I haven’t posted is that a bit over six weeks ago I fell and broke my wrist. Stupid dog had peed on the floor and I slipped off my feet and I guess tried to brace myself with my hand. Not good times. I had to drive myself to the ER so they wouldn’t give me any pain meds because I was driving home. They sent me home with a scrip I couldn’t fill til the next morning and a freaking Motrin.

Then two days later I got to have my first cast of my life. If you’ve never had one, they suck. I’ve essentially been one handed for six weeks. Good news is that yesterday I got it off and exchanged for a splint, which I can actually take off to shower and such. That’s big. It’s also much less cumbersome. Bad news is that I might have to have surgery to get it back to completely normal. Just wait and see right now.

The other big news in my life is that I gave up on my old dating site Plentyoffish because it was such a pain and too many casual people and joined eharmony. I’d tried it some years back and never had much luck on there but this time I have. It’s early and I don’t want to jinx it, but I met a really special woman named Cari on there and she’s kinda amazing. We’ve been texting and talking a ton but the more I get to know her, the more I like her. It doesn’t hurt that’s she’s hot in addition to being smart, funny, fun to talk to, and really sweet. She’s truly been the first bright spot in a dark bit of my life. I don’t want to get ahead of myself and we are going slow but I actually feel happy for a change. So wish me luck ūüôā

Well, I can’t take anymore hunting and pecking but I am still alive and I’ll try to start posting again as the wrist gets better.

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First post in ages

I haven’t posted in forever. I’d like to say it was all due to me being busy, which I have been, but part of it has just been laziness, which is stupid because once I start writing I generally enjoy it. I’ve been quite busy with school. The computer classes are easy but having to retake college algebra after 15 years of basically avoiding math like it’s the plague is pretty tough. I’ve amazingly got a B in the class after two tests but it still gives me headaches having to do shit like quadratic equations and such again. Shit that I will basically never use in my life again. But oh well, that’s the state university system. At least I did well enough on the entrance exams that I’m not having to take lower level math classes.

I’ve also been busy just with this stupid house. The house I live in is actually owned by my mom so no rent but I pay utilities and such. But even though it’s only like 4 or 5 years old all sorts of shit is going wrong with it and she’s sick of sinking money into it and I’m sick of having to deal with the problems and also am going to need to be closer to Atlanta next fall to take the classes I need. So, looks like I’ll be looking for a place closer to Atlanta over the summer. I don’t think I want to move back into the city or Buckhead or Vinings like my mom wants me to, but I need to be closer to the city. Would also be nice to see my friends without having to drive an hour and 20 mins or so each way. I’ll probably look to stay on the northside of town, maybe Canton or somewhere a little bit closer. I don’t really fit into the Buckhead lifestyle anymore since I’m not pulling down 100k plus a year and driving a beamer, and none of my friends really live near there anymore.

Since I try to be honest on here, I’ll explain further my feelings about living around where I grew up. I basically feel like my life thus far has been pretty much a failure and anytime I’m down in Atlanta I dread running into someone I went to school with. I went to one of the pricier and more prestigious private schools in Atlanta and already was used to being around kids whose parents had a lot more money than mine did, but these days I dread running into someone I went to high school with and having to have the excruciating conversation about what we both have been and are doing since then. Hell, I’d probably feel the same way running into people I went to college with which is why I don’t go to homecoming and stuff like that. I have my small group of friends that I guess accept me as the fuck up of the bunch, and I appreciate them for accepting me. I do feel good that I’m back in school and actually DOING something to better my life now because it makes me feel less worthless, but I still have those feelings a lot. I think that’s part of why I’ve become a mountain hermit. Up here I’m doing better than most by a ways.

The reason I mention living close to where I grew up is that my rich cousin has a townhouse she no longer lives in that she is in the process of telling the people that are living in it to get the fuck out, so my mom wants me to rent or even come to some arrangement to buy it from her. But it’s pretty much in the same area I grew up in, and I know I’d run into people from my past there, and I’ve already gone into why I don’t like that idea. To be honest, I also don’t really want to be five mins from my mom either. I love her, but we do much better with a few miles between us.

So yeah, I think I’m a bit too used to the country and not rich enough these days to live there. Probably better for me to find the happy medium: somewhere that I’m not isolated like I am here, but also not somewhere that I’ll feel like a fish out of water. Plus once I get out of school I’m sure there’s a hell of a lot more computer related jobs closer to the city than up here in the hinterlands. But, I hate moving so I’m not gonna really think too much about it until this summer.

Anyway, that’s about all that’s been going on with me. Been watching the hell out of March Madness the last couple of days…the one good thing about working from home and having classes at night is that the first thursday and friday are really the best parts of the tourney.

Insomnia blows

Sooo, it’s like 5am and I’m supposed to be up in four hours or so…yet I’m wide fucking awake. I’m alone at my mom’s house in Atlanta and of course I have to be in Augusta by a certain time because heaven forbid if everything isnt planned out to the minute in her family. I think that’s basically why I’m awake because I always have trouble sleeping when I’m stressed about having to make a deadline on a trip.

I don’t know why the hell I’m wide awake because I’ve tried ambien, Valium, and even a drink or two and yet here I sit wide awake…and on top of it feel completely sober. If I had anywhere to go in Augusta where people would be awake when I got there I’d probably just say fuck it and go now..ill be more tired driving at 10 or 11 than I am now sadly. FML.

Well, guess Ill just lay here some more and get no sleep and leave early or fall asleep in like an hour and sleep through the 4 alarms I have set…should be fun either way. Happy early Christmas Eve.

Wednesday ramblings

So I had a decent day today and am in¬†a pretty good mood despite having to bust my ass to finish a paper for my class and then driving down to Jasper to turn it in before the prof let us go for the night after 15 mins. I think I’m finally starting to just be able to let go of my anger, which is obviously the way to go. Yeah, I literally despise my ex gf for being dishonest and I hate myself for taking her back the first two times after I broke up with her, only to get screwed over in the end. But that’s the sad thing about hating someone, it doesn’t affect them one bit, it only fucks you up. So there’s no point in it. I can’t say I wish the bitch a happy life, but I’m sure as hell not going to think about her anymore, even in an angry way.

I’m honestly not a naturally vindictive or hateful person. There’s probably at least two women that read this blog that I’ve been involved with in one way or another in the past that would have good things to say about me. For me I just have triggers, and someone being dishonest to me and then me not being able to get out my anger about it to them directly just frustrates the hell out of me. I want that satisfaction, fleeting as it is.

I take things very personally, and I don’t understand how other people can just fuck someone over and not even feel bad about it, but..that’s life. There’s just as many shitty people out there as good ones. You just have to hope you can tell between the two.

Anyway, though this is my blog, I do apologize to anyone that reads it for the massive self indulgence lately. I use this blog as my place to vent in addition to other things, and lately it’s been nothing but venting. Maybe it makes for interesting reading but I doubt it. So I’ll try to get back to writing about shit other than myself now.

Checking in

Well I haven’t posted in weeks I realized so I figured I might as well tonight. Been busy with school and¬†holidays and had a few shitty weeks. On the plus side, I got a new phone. I find it kinda sad and can sorta understand why the terrorists hate us because I legitimately enjoy the hell out of having a new gadget and even feel a bit euphoric for the first couple of weeks. I got an iphone 5, which I’m pretty much loving so far, though to be fair I’d probably love anything over my old piece of shit phone I had for two years. This is like the first time I’ve ever had a brand new version of a top line phone so it’s fun.

I gave a lot of thought to the Samsung Galaxy S3 but honestly my last phone was a¬†Samsung, the Galaxy is all plastic which I’m not a fan of, and there’s just a few issues with Android phones that still bug me. Number one being that they leave it up to the carriers to roll out their new versions, and at least as far as Sprint goes, that doesn’t exactly happen fast or often. Granted my last phone was only a midpriced one but I only got ONE update to android in the two years I had it. I think i was still using 2.2 at the end. Now granted I know that some of it is hardware based and you need a new phone to be able to use the new software, but I still think I should have gotten at least one or two more upgrades.

With Apple you at least know you’re gonna get your new versions of their OS as soon as they come out. The other main thing that always annoyed me about Android was their really odd contact system. You could sync different accounts yet not have contacts show up in your contacts list. Even worse was if you used a third party text app like me and entered people into that…I remember looking at my contacts list and it having like 10 people on it…yet when I got a call or text from people NOT on it, it always popped up with their name. I also never really enjoyed the google play or whatever they call their app store now as much as Apple’s. It always wanted me to sign in just to update shit and I could never remember the password to the google email account I never used but was forced to sign up for.

Anyway, I know the android people will say that the Galaxy is a better phone and it probably is in some ways, but I’m happy with my iphone. It’s fast, looks good, and does what I need it to do.

So, aside from my new phone euphoria, I had a rather uneventful thanksgiving. We went to my cousin’s house in Cumming and it was just her and her husband, my aunt and her husband, and my mom and I. Oh, and their two kids. Kinda sucks that my whole family doesn’t get together anymore but I guess we will at Christmas. Hopefully my grandmother will be ok til then.

I also found out that my bitch of an ex girlfriend waited all of a week or two to start dating this guy that she had been talking to while we were supposedly still trying to work things out…this was a bit ago but I just found out about it. She claimed this guy was just a friend but it sure seems funny that they started dating so quickly. Being a guy, we allllll know about the bullshit guy that claims to be just a friend that’s talking to another guy’s chick and looking to move in on the rebound. Women either don’t realize this or just don’t give a shit, but ANY guy knows how it goes I’d wager. I can’t say I haven’t talked to girls that had boyfriends or whatever but I generally at least had the balls to make my intentions clear and not play the pussy, sensitive guy that just wants to be there for a girl until he can get into her pants.

Whatever, it’s better to have this person out of my life anyhow. I just hate dishonest people.

Anyway, I need to finish reading freaking Flowers For Algernon so I can write a paper on it tomorrow so I’ll wrap this up.

Wednesday Ramblings

Man, I can’t believe how much work a freaking English 1102 class can be. For tonight I was supposed to write an essay, read a quarter of a book, read a short story, and take an online quiz before class. I thought I’d gotten it all done but apparently I missed¬†a quiz that he told us to take at the beginning of class but fuck it. I just want to keep my B in this class as I shouldn’t have to be taking it anyhow since I passed all the required English classes at a good liberal arts school my first go round in college.

On the other hand, it DOES feel good to be back in school again even if some of the people in the class could literally be my kids. At least I’m not the oldest in there by a fair amount. Plus compared to the guy in my class that literally looks and acts like he could be in a mental ward or american al qaeda, I probably seem cool..lol. This guy means well I guess and apparently has a history of mental problems but damn is he fucking out there. He randomly tells chicks in the class that they are hot and freaks them out and he always asks the prof questions that have nothing at all to do with what we’re talking about.

But anyhow, I’m supposed to be going down to the ATL this weekend for some friends of mine’s kid’s birthday party, and for once I can actually say I’m doing something constructive again instead of being penciled in as the eternal slacker guy. Just ready to get into some classes that actually have shit to do with want I want to learn.

Anyhow, that’s it for tonight I suppose. My chest is feeling a bit better today so maybe I just somehow pulled a muscle or something…I still don’t know. And I’ve managed to get a negative person out of my life, so that’s always good. Night all.

Monday Ramblings..but more like rants

So outside of my sports teams winning this weekend I’ve had a pretty shitty couple of weeks and still going. As I’d previously mentioned I have family health issues and just to add to the fun, I had to call someone out to check out my septic tank on Friday and currently it’s looking at over $2500 to fix, and it’s not even fixed yet. I have a feeling I might be getting gouged by the good ol boys that have already dug up my front yard so¬†I’m having another company out tomorrow to get another estimate. I’ve lived in a city most of my life, I frankly didn’t even know what a septic tank was. Unfortunately I know now more about them than I really care to…particularly how fucking expensive they can be. On the bright side I don’t have sewage in my house or anything so I guess it’s good I had it checked when I did.

So yeah, I’m sure all wanted to hear about that but 2500 bucks and a dug up front yard pretty much blows and is worth complaining about in my opinion.

Onto further news. I have a pain in my side that I’m not really sure what could be…which is fun because I’m a major league hypochondriac but I hate going to doctors. Hopefully it’s just a pulled muscle or something.

Ugh, I’m so fucking sick of being disappointed by people, but I guess I should just blame myself. That fool me once shame on you, fool me 30 times shame on me saying¬†should be my motto. I’m just so tired of being disappointed by people that I care about. And yes, it’s my fault for giving them the chance to disappoint me or for believing that this time will be different when it never is, but it’s a hard habit to break. You’d think it would get easier after time but it really doesn’t. I just want to be with someone that doesn’t play the same passive/agressive games that I can easily be pulled into. Is that so fucking hard to find on this earth? Do I just attract them? I don’t even know anymore.

Maybe I’m just addicted to the highs and lows. I really don’t know. I just want to find someone that loves me the same amount that I do them, but that seems impossible. I’m always either chasing or being chased..either I’m trying to convince someone to to love me or someone is trying to convince me to love them…never seems to be a happy medium. All I know is that the one fucking thing I hate more than anything is feeling like I’m being ignored. I can take a¬†lot of shit but that feeling that someone has so little respect for you to even respond to you just is too much for me.

Anyway, fuck it. At least I have ambien so I can sleep tonight. Sorry for the rambling incoherent post full of stuff that noone but me gives a shit about, but sometimes ya just need to vent.