Friday night

So it’s Friday night. Woohoo. You know your life sucks when you’re not really excited about the weekend. It could be any other day of the week for me. I don’t know anyone up here and all my friends are married and an hour and half away at least. I guess I don’t feel as bad if I sleep half the day tomorrow as opposed to a weekday but since it’s not football season I really don’t look forward to the weekends for much of anything.

Not to harp on my last post or sound like a pussy or I’m feeling sorry for myself, but I’m basically all alone right now. Probably more than at any point in my life. Guys don’t really text or talk regularly with each other and my only female friend had her phone stolen and can’t afford to get a new one yet. I miss having a female in my life just to talk to. I like getting texts and having someone of the female persuasion to talk to. Even just as a friend. It depresses the hell out of me that my phone could be silent all day. I’d just like someone in my life just that gives a shit, not even taking into account my needs as a guy.

I seem to have a combination of picking the wrong women and doing or saying the wrong things. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m pretty numb. I don’t really see myself opening myself up to another woman anytime soon, not that I have any prospects anyhow. The only feelings I can seem to feel are loneliness and sadness. I have for at least awhile given up on finding the right person for me, and I just turned 37 so that’s pretty fucking depressing. I miss having a female in my life, even if just as a friend.

Anyway, I guess that’s enough self pity and whining for now. Hope everyone has a good weekend.

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Life…

Ugh, so my life sucks right now. I’m so fucking sick of living up here in the sticks by¬†myself, not knowing anyone around here. But I can’t move until I sell this fucking house. I’ve had my heart broken not that long ago, and I’m just sad and lonely most of the time. I’m so damn sick of fake ass people. Like my ex gf for instance. I spent Valentine’s Day with her and bought her a grill, put it together, and cooked her dry aged steaks from whole foods with Boursin cheese on them; her favorite dish from her favorite restaurant. She gave me a framed picture of her and I and then dumped me two weeks later. I met her on eharmony, which is supposed to be a site for people looking for real relationships, yet she dumped me because she was terrified of commitment and couldn’t handle even the slightest hint of an argument. It was her way or the highway and I’ve been in enough relationships to know that doesn’t work but I tried to hold my tongue because I really cared about her. She had actually never been in a real relationship in her life at 31.

Fuck her. And fuck all the other fakeass people in my life. I have a few friends that I can count on but I’m too far from them for it to make much of a difference. I’m starting to accept the fact that I’ll never meet the right person. I want kids at some point but I’m starting to give up on that too. I have a seemingly insane talent for attracting crazy women. Like this bitch that I’ve known for a few years and pops up in my life every few months or so. I ignored her while I was in the relationship but I made the mistake of trying to start to talk to her again a couple weeks ago. I intentionally forgot that she’s basically a sociopath that only wants attention from guys to make her feel good about herself. She has a tumblr page where she posts pics of her tits and ass and acts completely differently from how she really is and basks in the attention and I guess deludes herself into thinking that this false representation of herself is really her and that she doesn’t mostly have horny guys following her. Pathetic, even more so than me.

I really don’t know what to do anymore. I’m about at the end of my sanity up here. And as I’ve sad even if it makes me sound like a pussy I’m just sad and lonely all the time. I just want a normal woman that I find attractive and can get along with, but apparently I’m never going to find that. It’s so fucking frustrating and pathetic and I don’t know how much more I can take.

Well, that’s enough self pity for the night I guess. I wish I could be optimistic but it gets fucking hard when you keep getting kicked while you’re down over and over again.

Frustration

Ugh, so I have a person that I guess you could call a friend that keeps disappointing me. She won’t talk to me for months and then decide to message me. Then when I attempt to talk to her she basically ignores me. I guess I’m just someone she keeps on the line in case she needs and ego boost or some quick self esteem. It sucks because I actually care about this person. Makes me feel like less than nothing really. Contempt really is worse than someone just telling you that they aren’t interested in talking to you.