Every feel like you have days/nights where you can’t do or say anything right with anyone? I sure as hell do: and tonight has been one of those nights. So when in doubt, get drunk I guess. I may post random music videos on here tonight til I pass out, hopefully no repeats. Hope everyone is having a better night than me.
Well, I’ve had an eventful couple of weeks in both good and bad ways and just haven’t had the time nor inclination to really write anything on here, but tonight I figured I would.
So first off, a bit more than a week ago my grandmother had a bad stroke. She’s my last remaining grandparent and is 93. I’m not really sure what’s going to end up happening. She’s stable and one day people are optimistic and the next pessimistic so I don’t know what to think. The best case scenario at this point is that she would go back to the nursing home she was in and might be able to speak again with therapy, which isn’t really that great a best case. She lived alone til she was 92 and then finally had to be put in a home, which she hated. I’ve been to the place and it’s not horrible but for someone to lose their independance has to suck. She already had dementia to where she’d have good days and bad days as far as knowing who you were. But she was really unhappy in the home and let my mom and aunts know it. That’s what I mean about the best case scenario sucking. Worst case is that she’s made it known that she doesn’t want to be kept alive like a vegatable and the doctors can’t seem to figure out if there’s a chance at progress or not. So while I’m pretty much an agnostic, any kind thoughts or whatever would be appreciated.
The other big news is that I’m not longer single, and while longtime readers of this blog might think me stupid or be amazed, the person I’m seeing is my ex Bri, the one that I talked a lot of shit about on here in the past. It wasn’t a planned thing: I hadn’t talked to her in like a year and obviously things ended badly the last time. I was sitting around one night and got a message from a girl on plentyoffish, an online dating site that I’ve been on for years but hadn’t even bothered with for ages. I answered it anyhow though and was exchanging messages with this girl. I come to find out that she’s the best friend/roommate of my ex, which I thought was an amazing coincidence(though it turned out not to be). Anyway, after messaging back and forth with Britney for awhile she said she thought I had undealt with emotions when it came to Bri. I thought about this and realized I really did need some kind of closure. When Bri and I broke up she just flat stopped talking to me and I heard things second and third hand and people that shouldn’t have been involved got involved. And I’m a hothead so I did and said some things I still regret.
Anyhow, Britney(the roommate/BFF) gave me Bri’s number and we started texting and while at first I was still pissed off about some things we realized that we actually didn’t hate each other, and that some of the things I thought had gone down one way had not really gone down like that and that if we had talked after we broke up things might not have gotten so ugly. After we got through the breakup shit we ended up texting for like the whole day and night. And then after some time and a lot of talking and laying down some ground rules to avoid the pitfalls of our past, we decided to give it another try. As I said, some who have read what I wrote after the breakup might find this crazy, but I was hurt and I turn into a mean person when I’m hurt. I never stopped caring about her, I just pretty much gave up on romance and focused on school. Oh, and Britney has since admitted to me that she knew about me and it wasn’t just dumb luck that she messaged me and I knew her best friend, though Bri wasn’t in on the scheme. She thought we needed to talk, and I owe her for that.
So anyway, that’s how that came about, and I’m actually happy right now. I don’t know what the future will bring but I’m optimistic. I’ve grown up a lot in the last year believe it or not. Bri and I have spent a lot of time together in the last couple of weeks and we’ve had some fun and also I’ve realized that I never really stopped loving her. It’s also been great having someone in my life to support me with the stuff with my grandmother and I’m just all round happier. I don’t feel like a hermit that’s going to die alone anymore, which is nice lol. I don’t know if I believe in fate but it just feels more right with her this time than it did in the past, and while the last half of our previous relationship was shitty at times, we had some good times in the first half and I’m more willing to work on keeping things good than I was in the past, as I think she is too. We know each others’ faults and good qualities, and that counts for a lot really. I’ve also had more than enough time to reflect on past mistakes I’ve made and while I presented a one sided view in my rants on here, I certainly wasn’t blameless in our past problems. I just know that I love her and I’m happier now than I have been in a long time. So wish us luck.