Sooo, it’s like 5am and I’m supposed to be up in four hours or so…yet I’m wide fucking awake. I’m alone at my mom’s house in Atlanta and of course I have to be in Augusta by a certain time because heaven forbid if everything isnt planned out to the minute in her family. I think that’s basically why I’m awake because I always have trouble sleeping when I’m stressed about having to make a deadline on a trip.
I don’t know why the hell I’m wide awake because I’ve tried ambien, Valium, and even a drink or two and yet here I sit wide awake…and on top of it feel completely sober. If I had anywhere to go in Augusta where people would be awake when I got there I’d probably just say fuck it and go now..ill be more tired driving at 10 or 11 than I am now sadly. FML.
Well, guess Ill just lay here some more and get no sleep and leave early or fall asleep in like an hour and sleep through the 4 alarms I have set…should be fun either way. Happy early Christmas Eve.
Well first off id like to wish anyone that reads this a Merry Christmas. I should be asleep because I need to be down in the ATL by noon tomorrow to make my mom happy. I swear I hate people that say they are stressed out by the holidays but I am merely because I have deadlines and even at 35 I still hate to have my mom pissed off at me.
Plus I’m supposed to be cooking a 100 dollar piece of beef tenderloin for xmas eve dinner tomorrow night to take to Augusta. I’m a good cook but that’s a bit of stress.
I’ve been drinking a bit of Gentleman Jack and Coke tonight to cut down on the stress tonight. Those of you that have known me for awhile know that that i didn’t drink for almost ten years…I’ve started again but trying to keep it more under control these days.
One thing I’ve always loved about drinking liquor is the arcane and old fashioned terms that everyone still uses but noone knows the meaning of. Like if you go to buy glasses for your house you’ll most likely buy what’s called a “double old fashioned” glass. Yet I don’t think anyone has order an “old fashion” in 100 years…yet alone a double. The taller glasses are known as “highball glasses” yet i don’t think anyone has ordered or even knows what a highball is since the 40’s or so. And if you buy the standard 750ml bottle of booze, it can also be called a fifth….I’m assuming that means a fifth off a gallon but I’m honestly not sure…and I don’t think most people are.
Anyway, I need to get packed up and to sleep soon so if i don’t post again before then: Merry Christmas to all.
So I had a decent day today and am in a pretty good mood despite having to bust my ass to finish a paper for my class and then driving down to Jasper to turn it in before the prof let us go for the night after 15 mins. I think I’m finally starting to just be able to let go of my anger, which is obviously the way to go. Yeah, I literally despise my ex gf for being dishonest and I hate myself for taking her back the first two times after I broke up with her, only to get screwed over in the end. But that’s the sad thing about hating someone, it doesn’t affect them one bit, it only fucks you up. So there’s no point in it. I can’t say I wish the bitch a happy life, but I’m sure as hell not going to think about her anymore, even in an angry way.
I’m honestly not a naturally vindictive or hateful person. There’s probably at least two women that read this blog that I’ve been involved with in one way or another in the past that would have good things to say about me. For me I just have triggers, and someone being dishonest to me and then me not being able to get out my anger about it to them directly just frustrates the hell out of me. I want that satisfaction, fleeting as it is.
I take things very personally, and I don’t understand how other people can just fuck someone over and not even feel bad about it, but..that’s life. There’s just as many shitty people out there as good ones. You just have to hope you can tell between the two.
Anyway, though this is my blog, I do apologize to anyone that reads it for the massive self indulgence lately. I use this blog as my place to vent in addition to other things, and lately it’s been nothing but venting. Maybe it makes for interesting reading but I doubt it. So I’ll try to get back to writing about shit other than myself now.
Last one, I promise. This is just the song I need to focus on as I’m going through the continuous shitstorm of life lately…plus I fucking love the crowdwork.
Yeah, I know everyone that reads this blog is sick of me linking Hold Steady vids, but I just happen to think they might be the best rock band out there right now. Amazing lyrics, great players, and Craig Finn as one of the most fun front men to watch in a long time.
This song might not make a lot of sense if you haven’t listened to them in the past but one of their first albums was basically almost a rock opera about a junkie named Holly so when it talks about a woman it’s talking about her.
Btw, the interview at the beginning is only like 45 secs but skip if ya want. I’d just suggest you give this song a shot, it goes from rocking out to downright low key with some great transitions and the keyboardist solo is great
I seem to be going a bit softer in my music tastes lately for whatever reason. But you see all those girls on Idol or X factor or whatever that want to be the next Britney or Christina but damn if this woman isn’t amazingly talented with a great voice.
This one is a bit emo for me normally but I’m in a rather maudlin mood tonight. This song reminds me of the sadness of past relationships, I mean good ones unlike my most recent one, that don’t work out for one reason or another and how that person that you thought you’d love forever you may never see again.