Monday Ramblings..but more like rants

So outside of my sports teams winning this weekend I’ve had a pretty shitty couple of weeks and still going. As I’d previously mentioned I have family health issues and just to add to the fun, I had to call someone out to check out my septic tank on Friday and currently it’s looking at over $2500 to fix, and it’s not even fixed yet. I have a feeling I might be getting gouged by the good ol boys that have already dug up my front yard so I’m having another company out tomorrow to get another estimate. I’ve lived in a city most of my life, I frankly didn’t even know what a septic tank was. Unfortunately I know now more about them than I really care to…particularly how fucking expensive they can be. On the bright side I don’t have sewage in my house or anything so I guess it’s good I had it checked when I did.

So yeah, I’m sure all wanted to hear about that but 2500 bucks and a dug up front yard pretty much blows and is worth complaining about in my opinion.

Onto further news. I have a pain in my side that I’m not really sure what could be…which is fun because I’m a major league hypochondriac but I hate going to doctors. Hopefully it’s just a pulled muscle or something.

Ugh, I’m so fucking sick of being disappointed by people, but I guess I should just blame myself. That fool me once shame on you, fool me 30 times shame on me saying should be my motto. I’m just so tired of being disappointed by people that I care about. And yes, it’s my fault for giving them the chance to disappoint me or for believing that this time will be different when it never is, but it’s a hard habit to break. You’d think it would get easier after time but it really doesn’t. I just want to be with someone that doesn’t play the same passive/agressive games that I can easily be pulled into. Is that so fucking hard to find on this earth? Do I just attract them? I don’t even know anymore.

Maybe I’m just addicted to the highs and lows. I really don’t know. I just want to find someone that loves me the same amount that I do them, but that seems impossible. I’m always either chasing or being chased..either I’m trying to convince someone to to love me or someone is trying to convince me to love them…never seems to be a happy medium. All I know is that the one fucking thing I hate more than anything is feeling like I’m being ignored. I can take a lot of shit but that feeling that someone has so little respect for you to even respond to you just is too much for me.

Anyway, fuck it. At least I have ambien so I can sleep tonight. Sorry for the rambling incoherent post full of stuff that noone but me gives a shit about, but sometimes ya just need to vent.

 

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One thought on “Monday Ramblings..but more like rants

  1. I know what you mean Scott but don’t give up hope. Despite all the times I have been hurt I still believe it is never wrong to go after love. Try to honestly figure out what you want and how to ask for it. Then ask for it! Hopefully the woman will want the same or at least be honest about whether she can give it to you. I still hope to find that kind of honest loving relationship and I really believe it has to start with me being honest about what I really want. Society puts so many obstacles between men and women without adding to them.

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