Well, it’s 1:30 eastern time and I’m still up; no surprise there really, so might as well try to do some writing.
I was chatting with a friend earlier that I’ve known for 4 or 5 years, we were semi romantically involved at one point and shared a lot of late nights and secrets. She reads this blog and thought it was odd how I can share things on here with people that I may not even know that it took her years to hear about. And thinking about it, I guess it is kind of odd that I can share stuff so easily like I do on here with both people that know me and complete strangers.
I don’t really know why, but when I started this blog I wanted to try to tell the truth as much as possible and not try to make myself look like a better or more interesting person than I am. This blog is me, insecurities and all. Obviously I don’t share everything about my life on here, that would be stupid and possibly hurt other people..but when I DO talk about something I try to keep it real as much as possible. I think that’s the only way that anyone could find it interesting when I go off about how I wonder if I’ll ever get married or how my dad’s an asshole: what would be the point of writing or reading that if it was bullshit?
I DO want people to find this blog interesting, entertaining at times(hopefully), maybe even a bit informative, so that’s why I try to balance the introspective stuff with other things. My reasons for doing the introspective stuff are twofold really: because for whatever reason by writing things down I’m better able to self analyze and get things off my chest, and because I hope that someone out there might be able to relate to some of the things I say. Maybe that’s overly idealistic, but who knows? I doubt I’m the only one in the world that has the same foibles and problems that I do.
I’ve also just rediscovered that I really do enjoy writing and that it gives me a sense of accomplishment. I do get flattered when people like my posts or comment on them and I do look at the stats and marvel at how many views I have. I said when I first started this that I didn’t care if anyone ever read it, but I’ve realized that’s not entirely true.
I don’t think I’m a great writer, but I think I’m decent, and I’m also out of practice. I haven’t written anything other than an email for years before I started this blog, so hopefully I’ll get better at it.
As I said in my very first post, and as both the url and title of this blog suggest, sarcastically by the way, I always thought people who blogged were a bit full of themselves until I tried it myself. Certainly there is a bit of ego involved in it in that it gives you a sense of validation to have people read your stuff, but I think it’s more than that. It’s a way of feeling like you’re being heard in a world where it increasingly can seem like noone really listens or cares what you have to say.
I guess some would say that more people are being heard at this time in the world than ever before, and that’s true to an extent, but I think with the sheer volume of information and people talking out there, it’s easy to get lost in the cavalcade of input that is being thrown at every single person these days.
In my bitches about Facebook, I’ve mentioned that I’ve felt like anything I posted on there was getting lost in the shuffle and moved down the all important Newsfeed before anyone saw it. On here I know that anyone that has bothered to come here probably wants to see what I have to say. They may not come back, but at least they gave me a shot.
And finally, to answer the question that my friend asked, I think part of why I find it so easy and even rewarding to share on here, is because it’s my forum, my stream of conciousness. Even with your best friends, significant others, or whatever, how often can you just sit down and tell them every single thing that’s on your mind, for as long as you want, without interuption? Obviously part of the benefit of talking to someone rather than writing on a blog is that you get feedback, but on the other hand, the lack of immediate feedback on here is part of what makes it easier to unburden myself.
Alright, I’m going to take a bit of a break now and see if I can get tired, or at least think of something more interesting to write about. As always, thanks for reading.