Since I’ve kinda lazied out and just posted some tunes lately it’s about time to get back into the writing, so here goes.
I was just chatting with an old friend and she asked me a good question: Why do I still live up here if I’m lonely and feel like a hermit sometimes and complain about things like having to drive 20 mins to go to the damn grocery store? Why don’t I just move back to Atlanta?
As I’ve already mentioned, I grew up mostly in Atlanta in the nicer parts of town. Went to middle and high school there, went to college over in South Carolina, and then moved back to Atlanta.
Lost track of most of my high school friends and mostly hung out with college friends that moved into town for jobs…partied a lot in the old Buckhead before they decided it would be better served as a never finished real estate project instead of a place to have fun.
Probably partied too much, and not just in Buckhead. Long story short, I got to be a major drunk and basically put myself into the hospital…not charter/rehab…real hospital. Got told by a stern doctor that I needed to make some changes or I wasn’t gonna have a long lifespan.
So that whole ordeal rather shrunk my group of friends even further as the few High School friends I still hung out with were the ones I partied with the most. Then my college friends started growing up and getting married and having kids…and I became the odd man out mostly…not that my friends didn’t try to include me and I genuinely like most of their wives.
But I started to feel I really didn’t fit in Atlanta anymore, job market was shit at the time, traffic gives me road rage, and all the other fun stuff of living in a big city. So when my mom built a house in the mountains that she wasn’t even able to use because she had to move to the west coast for work..I figured I’d give the mountains a try for a bit..make a change…something I’ve never really done much.
I wasn’t sure how long it would last and am kind of surprised it has this long. There’s things I hate about living up here, like no good restaurants, the aforementioned 20 min trip to the grocery store, having to shop at freaking walmart sometimes, and the fact that I basically know 3 people in this town.
But there’s also things I like, I live in a nice house literally 50 yards from a river…my header image is actually taken off my back deck when it was snowing one day. I don’t miss the traffic…and I like the more laid back vibe up here, and I like that people mostly are who they are and don’t put on airs.
I still go down to Atlanta once or twice a month to see my mom since she’s moved back there, and while I love being able to go to Whole Foods and Publix and eat at good restaurants…I just don’t feel like I belong there anymore. It seems like everyone is young, pretty, and rich…and I’m none of those things. I’m a fairly well educated guy that reads a ton and is pretty smart…and I don’t wear overalls or a mesh hat…but the sight of all the young pretty people just makes my heart ache and I feel like an outsider most of the time.
I literally live in fear that I’ll run into someone I went to High School with because chances are they are doing a hell of a lot better than me these days and I’d feel embarrassed.
As an aside, I went to one of the pricier private schools in Atlanta with kids of very rich people. My Mom’s a lawyer and makes a good living but nothing like these people. So when it comes to money and status I’ve always felt inadequate…and seeing as how I haven’t exactly set the world on fire in my life thus far…I possibly feel even more so now.
So even after all of this, I haven’t really answered my friend’s question. I really don’t know. I feel like maybe I’m just not a city boy anymore, but on the other hand I’m certainly not a country one. Maybe I need to find a happy medium, a smaller city…become rich enough through blogging to have this house and an apartment in the city and a helicopter to fly between the two at my whim? lol
Anyhow, I’ve gone on long enough about this question, but it is something I guess I really DO need to think about.