Every feel like you have days/nights where you can’t do or say anything right with anyone? I sure as hell do: and tonight has been one of those nights. So when in doubt, get drunk I guess. I may post random music videos on here tonight til I pass out, hopefully no repeats. Hope everyone is having a better night than me.
Well, I’ve had an eventful couple of weeks in both good and bad ways and just haven’t had the time nor inclination to really write anything on here, but tonight I figured I would.
So first off, a bit more than a week ago my grandmother had a bad stroke. She’s my last remaining grandparent and is 93. I’m not really sure what’s going to end up happening. She’s stable and one day people are optimistic and the next pessimistic so I don’t know what to think. The best case scenario at this point is that she would go back to the nursing home she was in and might be able to speak again with therapy, which isn’t really that great a best case. She lived alone til she was 92 and then finally had to be put in a home, which she hated. I’ve been to the place and it’s not horrible but for someone to lose their independance has to suck. She already had dementia to where she’d have good days and bad days as far as knowing who you were. But she was really unhappy in the home and let my mom and aunts know it. That’s what I mean about the best case scenario sucking. Worst case is that she’s made it known that she doesn’t want to be kept alive like a vegatable and the doctors can’t seem to figure out if there’s a chance at progress or not. So while I’m pretty much an agnostic, any kind thoughts or whatever would be appreciated.
The other big news is that I’m not longer single, and while longtime readers of this blog might think me stupid or be amazed, the person I’m seeing is my ex Bri, the one that I talked a lot of shit about on here in the past. It wasn’t a planned thing: I hadn’t talked to her in like a year and obviously things ended badly the last time. I was sitting around one night and got a message from a girl on plentyoffish, an online dating site that I’ve been on for years but hadn’t even bothered with for ages. I answered it anyhow though and was exchanging messages with this girl. I come to find out that she’s the best friend/roommate of my ex, which I thought was an amazing coincidence(though it turned out not to be). Anyway, after messaging back and forth with Britney for awhile she said she thought I had undealt with emotions when it came to Bri. I thought about this and realized I really did need some kind of closure. When Bri and I broke up she just flat stopped talking to me and I heard things second and third hand and people that shouldn’t have been involved got involved. And I’m a hothead so I did and said some things I still regret.
Anyhow, Britney(the roommate/BFF) gave me Bri’s number and we started texting and while at first I was still pissed off about some things we realized that we actually didn’t hate each other, and that some of the things I thought had gone down one way had not really gone down like that and that if we had talked after we broke up things might not have gotten so ugly. After we got through the breakup shit we ended up texting for like the whole day and night. And then after some time and a lot of talking and laying down some ground rules to avoid the pitfalls of our past, we decided to give it another try. As I said, some who have read what I wrote after the breakup might find this crazy, but I was hurt and I turn into a mean person when I’m hurt. I never stopped caring about her, I just pretty much gave up on romance and focused on school. Oh, and Britney has since admitted to me that she knew about me and it wasn’t just dumb luck that she messaged me and I knew her best friend, though Bri wasn’t in on the scheme. She thought we needed to talk, and I owe her for that.
So anyway, that’s how that came about, and I’m actually happy right now. I don’t know what the future will bring but I’m optimistic. I’ve grown up a lot in the last year believe it or not. Bri and I have spent a lot of time together in the last couple of weeks and we’ve had some fun and also I’ve realized that I never really stopped loving her. It’s also been great having someone in my life to support me with the stuff with my grandmother and I’m just all round happier. I don’t feel like a hermit that’s going to die alone anymore, which is nice lol. I don’t know if I believe in fate but it just feels more right with her this time than it did in the past, and while the last half of our previous relationship was shitty at times, we had some good times in the first half and I’m more willing to work on keeping things good than I was in the past, as I think she is too. We know each others’ faults and good qualities, and that counts for a lot really. I’ve also had more than enough time to reflect on past mistakes I’ve made and while I presented a one sided view in my rants on here, I certainly wasn’t blameless in our past problems. I just know that I love her and I’m happier now than I have been in a long time. So wish us luck.
So I've been wanting to write something about sports and since I'm a southern boy and college football is my favorite sport that would seem the natural one... but I'm gonna save that for another time and write about a sport that probably noone that reads this watches or gives a crap about: Boxing.
In a visceral, almost guilty way, I love boxing.
I know I’ve bitched about Facebook on here before in how I think it’s for a lot of people a way to present their lives as being perfect to people that they don’t ever actually see, but I actually think it’s more insidious than that. I got a friend request from someone the other day whose first name I recognized but not the last name, clicked on it, and it was one of my ex girlfriends from some years ago. I didn’t really delve too deeply into the profile but obviously since she had a different last name she was married. For whatever reason, maybe sentimentality, I accepted the request. Then today I check my newsfeed or whatever the fuck it is and find out she just had a kid. While I’m happy she and her husband had a kid, and I’m not singling her out, it still pisses me off that Facebook basically reminds me on a regular basis what a loser I am.
Now of course it’s noone’s fault but mine that I’m a 36 year old single loser with no kids, but still, do I have to subscribe to a service to remind me of this? I dwell on it plenty w/o having it shoved in my face. I’ve contemplated just deleting my Facebook acct on several occasions for the aforementioned reasons, but I keep it because it’s the only way I keep in touch with some of my friends. With all the bullshit they add to it every day, can’t I get some kind of filter that will avoid me getting updates or friend requests that make me feel like shit? Come on Zuckerberg or whatever the hell your name is, I’m sure I’m not the only one that feels this way.
I sadly have become desensitized to a lot of the violent shit that goes on these days, like the whackjob who shot up all the little kids in Connecticut, but for some reason this latest thing in Boston really pisses me off. I saw that they have photos of the douchebags now. I read part of Obama’s speech today and while I don’t always agree with him, he was right. He basically made fun of these two little bitches talking about how they were cowards that thought doing this made them important.
I don’t know if these guys are muslims, anti-government guys, or just pathetic losers. Well, no matter what their beliefs they are pathetic losers. I’m so sick of these douchebags in this country or wherever that decide their life/lives suck, and instead of looking in a fucking mirror and seeing that it’s their own damn fault, they take their shit out on innocent people.
So ya know what, whoever you are. You’re a couple of worthless pussies. You killed an 8 year old kid..that make you feel like big men? You injured and killed hundreds of innocent people…proud of yourselves? And you don’t have the balls to even admit what you did. If it were up to me, I’d tie your sorry bitch asses up, take you down to the rough part of South Boston, and put signs on you saying “Hey, we’re the pussies that killed an 8 year old kid”. Unfortunately you’ll probably get caught by the police or FBI and we’ll waste time and money putting your sorry asses in jail. At least you’ll probably get put in the general population and get the shit kicked out of you every day.
As and adjunct to my former rant, I’d like to say that in cases such as the psycho that shot up the Batman theater or these guys if we catch them or any other douches where there’s incontrovertible evidence that they did the crime, we shouldn’t waste time on a trial. These are mentally defective people that need to be removed from society. I’d vote that we toss them in a cell with some really fucked up criminals and tacitly let such prisoners know that we want them dead with maximum pain and they won’t be punished for it. Putting assholes like these on trial just give them what they want…attention.
K, so I have a blog, facebook, an iphone 5, and I’m going to school for computers(information security), so despite the fact that I’m 36 years old, I’m not exactly a technological neophyte, but I just don’t get twitter. Granted I’m not a 15 year old so I don’t have any friends that I know of that are really on it, but still. There’s older people than me that are on twitter but they are also celebrities of some sort. Frankly, I don’t know who would read anything I posted so why bother? It’s enough for me to have friends and such that read my blog when I get around posting on it.
The sad thing is that I’d probably be pretty good at twitter if I committed to it and had people that followed me, since I have random thoughts at all times of the day that might be amusing or interesting. I actually have an account that I check maybe once a month and it’s just a few people(mostly sports related) that I might be interested in what they think about a particular event or occurance, but I don’t think I’ve ever posted anything on it. I have no clue how the hash tag thing works and basically I think unless you’re the aforementioned 15 year old with a lot of friends on it or the celebrity, I don’t see the point of it. If I need to tell something to one person I’ll text them, a few more people I might Facebook it, and if I just want to vent I’ll blog.
I’d love for someone to explain twitter to me and how it could enrich my life, but I just don’t see it. Like I said, I’m 36 so part of me feels old that I haven’t embraced it or learned how it works but the other part of me says I’m 36 and a nobody so who would give a fuck what I might have to say on it anyhow.
So I went grocery shopping today, then as I was coming out with my cart of food and such, and someone was driving by that kinda seemed like I might know them but honestly I don’t pay attention to that kinda stuff. So I go to my car and am transferring my stuff from the cart to the car and someone pulls up that I didn’t immediately recognize. Turns out it was my ex gf’s sister. This is the same girl that told me I was a horrible person when we were going thru the crazy break up that has been amply documented in past posts. The really odd part of it was that she was actually nice…said she saw me walking out of the store and wanted to say hi. It really kinda took me aback due to some of the horrible things she and I said to each other when she was texting me to tell me what an asshole I was.
I don’t know, it just seemed odd to me. I’ve been lucky enough not to actually run into my ex personally despite the fact that it’s a small town, but I certainly wouldn’t seek out or try to be nice to anyone in her family. I’d probably run the other direction. Like I said, just a weird experience.